While it can be normal and completely healthy to experience a level of jealousy in our romantic or platonic relationships, too much, as well as how we express that jealousy can be problematic. For example, if we see someone flirting with our partner or vice versa, it’s only natural to feel defensive, jealous, or possessive. It’s when we don’t handle those feelings in a healthy way – for ourselves and our relationships – by talking about how we feel or why it might not be appropriate, that we risk hurt feelings festering and further problems intensifying. 

Similarly, if we are having a tough time and a friend or loved one is caught up in their own success – perhaps they got a promotion or a raise, or have booked an amazing vacation – and doesn’t seem to take on board how we are feeling, it can be perfectly natural to feel jealous or upset. Yet if we fail to step back and consider both sides – perhaps they are just excited and are unaware that you are having a rough time, or from their perspective they want to share the good news with those who mean the most to them – we can get caught up in a negative cycle that unintentionally risks damaging our relationships.

The good news is that no matter why you’re jealous, there are things you can do to help decrease your feelings. Working on yourself—your confidence, communication skills, and ability to recognise and manage your emotions—can all help you get a handle on how you’re feeling before jealousy, envy, and the inevitable sense of shame begin affecting other areas of your life.